Monday, January 10, 2011

Evolution of a Lie

So when I was a child I picked up the habit of lying a lot. I do mean, a lot. And I noticed even as a child that my pattern of lying had a certain format and system that happened every time even if it was the reason for my down fall every time. The format goes like this.


  1. Recognize a need for either lie or face serious consequences. (example: broke something that wasn't mine.)
  2. Formulate story that is believable to the parents. (example: Someone else caused it by doing _____)
  3. Injure self to cause more pity to help my case (example: slap arm repeatedly until it looks like something hurt it)
  4. Debate whether to bring situation to my parents attention or allow them to discover it on their own. (example: put broken thing back where it belongs/strategically place it somewhere or take it to them)
  5. Create back up story in case of failure that doesn't contradict the first story. (example: instead of so and so caused it when, it could also have happened at another time, I just didn't look at it in between said times)
  6. Panic and make sure person getting blamed isn't known by parents or their parents being acquainted with mine. (example: choose random kid in class I have nothing to do with otherwise) 

    1. Get caught while planning this out (example: sitting in my room holding broken object when Jaime walks in) or
    2. Go about setting lie in motion (attempt to follow the plan)

    1. Grounded
    2. Forget all careful planning and free lance (make up everything as I go)
      1. If successful, be so proud of self that I brag about it within 24 hours to either brothers or parents
  7. Grounded. 
Step seven gets me every time. Honestly step one is the beginning of the end for me, as I could never pull off the lies like I needed to. There was only one that I managed to pull off. It was at least five years before I blabbed on myself, but at that point I was old enough to rectify the dire situation instantaneously with some sweet talk and smoothness just like my older brother taught me. 

I was apparently a child that didn't learn life lessons well and trial and error wasn't enough to teach me...

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